“Hey! Want to watch an action movie with Snake Eyes from Snake Eyes, Ratcatcher 2 from The Suicide Squad, Lisbeth Salander from The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, The Haitian from Heroes, and Alan Grant from Jurassic Park?” Who could possibly say no to that? It sounds like a fantastic film. You turn on the film and you’re shocked to find that the production quality is up there… this film doesn’t look low budget at all, it is quite polished. This is going to be great! Then you have to watch the film.
While this isn’t the worst review that I’ve given, it is one of the worst films that I’ve reviewed. The casting and production quality are the only things that save it from being the worst film that I’ve seen. I think the problem was that the script was written by an untalented writer… the plot just doesn’t make sense and the way that the story is woven together makes about as much sense as a hyperactive toddler telling you about their day at an amusement park. Mix the horrible writing with an unknown director and you have all the makings of an awful film. Director Camille Delamarre’s big claim to fame is The Transporter Refueled, the one without Jason Statham.
In the film, Henry Golding plays an assassin trying to balance a personal life and a professional life. Unfortunately for him, someone has taken out a hit on the world’s top assassins, including him! That’s it… that’s the entire plot. It is basic enough to have potential, but it is so poorly written and horribly directed that it was actually painful to watch. There is little done to tie aspects of the film together. It felt like they just tossed everything at the board and waited to see what would stick. None of the characters were well developed, instead they were all caricatures of real people. The only interesting character was Sam Neill’s role as an agent to the assassins. I’m not sure what his exact title was, but he was the one who lined their jobs up for them.
The film does look good and the audio quality is good (usually my biggest complaint with films). There’s just no substance. Half the time you don’t know what is going on and, the other half the time, you just don’t want to. We’re talking about an all out war of assassins and the film has a two good scenes. The first involves our star, Golding, walking with his girlfriend through a tunnel. The second involves Golding again, this time at the farm house of a former assassin. Those two scenes are worth seeing… the rest of the film is underwhelming and disappointing.
I’m not sure I have much else to say because I simply can’t recommend the film. Unless you need background noise or you’re a completionist who must see everything from one of these actors, it is unlikely that you’ll find a reason to watch this movie. However, if you want to… the film is available.
Assassin Club was released on Digital on May 16 and will be available on DVD and Blu-ray on June 6.
Movie title: Assassin Club
Movie description: Henry Golding (G.I. JOE: SNAKE EYES) stars in this highly entertaining, globe-trotting action thriller. The hunter becomes the hunted when an elite assassin (Golding) is given his final contract: to kill six people around the world - only to discover the targets are equally skilled assassins hired to kill him. His only shot to survive is to uncover the mysterious mastermind behind the deadly plot before it's too late. Also starring Sam Neill (Jurassic Park), Daniela Melchior (The Suicide Squad), and Noomi Rapace (Tom Clancy's Jack Ryan).
Date published: 2023-05-16
Director(s): Camille Delamarre
Actor(s): Henry Golding, Daniela Melchior, Jimmy-Jean Louis, Noomi Rapace, Sam Neill